McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
