The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
