Nicole vs. Life
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Liz is crying about burritos again.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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