chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
