I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
