did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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