I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
So many bounce houses so little time
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
