Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
