the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Randomize
