She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
