remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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