Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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