Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
