Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I checked into jail on foursquare
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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