My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
