i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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