Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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