what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
