and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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