she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
