My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
