She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
