Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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