I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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