Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
