Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
