Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
