You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
