Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
