You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I am naked and annoyed.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
