ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
