oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
