i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
