you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
