well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
