I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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