i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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