so that wasnt chicken after all
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
