Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
