I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
