you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Randomize
