What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
