Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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