i think i have two assholes
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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