I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
