The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
