new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
