Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
