I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
