I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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