I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Randomize
