what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
