i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
