Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize