I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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