I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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