Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
