apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
