I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
