Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
