i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
her facebook's as public as her vagina
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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