Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I came so hard my ears popped.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
