just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
