Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
