Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
