He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
