someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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